Unconscious Relationship

6 painful signs of an unconscious relationship

What is an unconscious relationship?

In order to start a conscious relationship – with yourself and others – you need to understand what are the signs that you are in a unconscious relationship – so you can embark on the journey to consciously relating to yourself and others! Conscious relationship is a new way for humanity to heal and evolve – and many now look for a conscious partner as a primary characteristic.

Many of us are in an unconscious relationship to ourselves, and others, until we really decide to take the journey of healing that brings our unconscious patterns to the surface for healing.

An unconscious relationship (first to yourself, then others) to yourself is one that’s based on the pain, patterns and past experiences that are within you, but that you didn’t become aware of or resolve.

6 painful signs of an unconscious relationship


Sign #1 – Repeated patterns

Playing out repeated patterns – in unconscious relationship, you run the danger of re-creating the dynamics of your parent’s relationship, or repeating relationship patterns you established early in life. For example, you may realise one day, “ I married my father” – or you have married someone who’s way of relating to you resembles that of your father, perhaps in good or bad ways.

Sign #2 – Creating drama

It’s easy to take a fixed role in your relationship that draws you into the drama triangle of victim, rescuer and perpetrator. As a result you create relationship that’s not based on true equality and connection, but on power roles that you may have become accustomed to taking. For example, you may hold the unconscious habit of being the “rescuer” – attracting people who need your psychological, emotional and even financial help and are unable to take full responsibility for themselves

Sign #3 – Addiction and co-dependence

If you unconsciously lack internal self love, and you feel an inner emptiness, you coming into relationship seeking love, approval and energy (including sexual, financial energy) from others. For example, you can fall into the belief that you depend on the other person for your happiness and fulfillment instead of looking for these in yourself and taking responsibility for your own feelings.

Sign #4 – Karmic loops

This is the experience of repeating painful relationship experiences from other lifetimes. Karmic hangovers are no fun, and although a karmic relationship can feel intense and “destined”, you may find yourself living out marriage and mutual suffering and conflict contracts that keep you “stuck” together even when the relationship is not unhealthy and even destructive.

Sign #5 – Lack of polarity and “magnetism”

If you have not healed your foundational sexual energies, including sexual pain, patterns and traumas, you may not be fully and consciously in your healthy feminine or masculine energy. This means you are unable to attract someone who is in a healthy “polarised” energy opposite to yours. For example, if you’re an overworked women who has suppressed your feminine energy, you might end up attracting overly feminine men, or man with a collapsed masculine energy – and wonder why your relationships lack lasting spark and attraction.

Sign #6 – Triggering and blame

If you haven’t figured out your own shadow, which might include your own lack of self love, your shame, your fears and your anger, you might end up blaming those feelings on the other in the relationship. For example, you may always feel belittled by your partner, but neglect to notice that you are always belittling yourself, and the partner is merely the mirror for your inner state.

How can I begin a conscious relationship?

When you are stuck in the painful experience of unconscious relationship, you will often ask yourself “why is this always happening to me”, or “why can’t I find love”, or “there are just no good men / women out there”. You may either settle for an unfulfilling relationship or even give up on the idea of relationship itself, saying “relationships just aren’t for me”!

However, there’s another possibility available – that you decide to take the journey to conscious relationship!

You can start this journey by reflecting on what a conscious relationship looks like.

The journey to conscious relationship is our key theme of 2022 at Soulrise – and it’s the greatest journey of the heart that you can embark on!

In our membership for women and men at Soulrise, we start off by reflecting on what is an unconscious relationship, so you can see where you might have unconscious relationship patterns playing out in your life.

This involves building your three pillars of your sovereignty (which includes your personal self-responsibility and power) – your emotional sovereignty, your sexual sovereignty, and your spiritual sovereignty.

Become a member at Soulrise and start your journey of Conscious Relationship today! Try your first 14 days for free!

We would love to see you in our monthly live classes, women’s, men’s and community circles where you can thrive and grow in a safe sanctuary with other like minded men and women.